Growing Up: The Post College, 20 Something, Years...

"Nothing will ruin your 20's more than thinking you should have your life together already."

                                                                                                   -Unknown

This month I will be 35, which means those born in 1994 are legally old enough to drink, my parents are older than my grandparents were when I was born, and the decade that shaped my life began 15 years ago. The 20's are a time fraught with anxiety, laughter, disillusionment, exhilaration, heartbreak, friendships, and frustration. As I reminisce, those years were spent gossiping with girlfriends, swearing off dating indefinitely, figuring out who I didn't want to be, and building a career. Likely due to the collision of adult expectations, with the emotionality of adolescence, this period was characterized by incredible highs and devastating lows. Experiences like moving into the wrong apartment, and putting together Ikea furniture, are moments from your 20's that eventually make you chuckle, offer perspective, and become the backbone of friendships. Like most challenges in life, their impact, and lessons, are not fully understood until the years to come.  Here are some tips to help survive, thrive, and love yourself during the 20's, and beyond:) 

Let Go Of The Plan

Please notice that I did not say "If you had a plan", because the reality is we all do! Gender may influence the components of our vision, but men and women leave college with a blueprint for life. Unfortunately, you will most likely be part of the 99% whose plans fizzle after a few months of real life. While this is a tremendous blow to our ego, and sense of identity, the good news is the sooner you can discard these preconceived notions, the easier things will become. It's holding onto what was, that prevents us from discovering what will be.  

Lower Your Expectations

My father use to say that if people didn't have expectations, they wouldn't be disappointed. Very sound, practical advice, but certainly not how most of us operate. Your 20's are a time of heightened expectations around career, friendship, and love. The media, in all forms, portrays this decade in a vain inconsistent with reality. While this has always been an obstacle, the proliferation of social media sites has further disillusioned an entire generation. Creating the life you want is A LOT of work, and will take time. Not all facets will come together simultaneously! Be patient. 

Expect To Be Uncomfortable

No one likes to be uncomfortable. Part of what makes transition (not change) so emotionally devastating, is that the status quo feels comfortable. We forget that middle school, high school, and even college were once new, and untried.  Attempting to recreate the nostalgia associated with college will likely be an epic failure. Instead, remember the courage it took to leave home, make new friends, and try new things. Challenge yourself to join a recreational sports league, volunteer groups, young adult groups, or some other social experience.  

Find A Hobby, Or Two

I often hear hobbies are expensive, so what can a broke 20 something really do?  Here are some inexpensive ideas: volunteer, explore meet up groups, join a book club, play sports, train for something, check out the local library, find a young adult church group, take pictures, learn another language, or cook...these are just a few ideas!   

Be Ok With Netflix, A Beverage, & Pizza

One of the greatest challenges in your 20's is the shift from communal living, to being alone. Even when we attempt to recreate that sense of community unique to college life (i.e.roommates), it is often not the same. Real life and work schedules dictate friends' availability. Sometimes you have to binge watch Netflix, have a glass of wine/beer, order a pizza, and be ok with it!

This Too Shall Pass (Yes, Mom! You Were Right.)

One of the concerns with social media, is that people portray a life not consistent with reality. This creates altered perceptions and expectations.  Suddenly, 20 somethings are left with the impression their peers have tons of friends, party all the time, and are immune to growing up. The truth: Transitions are really tough, and life is not the old way or the new way, for anyone. It's chaotic, stressful, and unpredictable; however, all of this will eventually pass. In retrospect, every mistake, success, and absurd moment, will have created the person you've become.

Accept Help

Perhaps it is how our brains are wired, but we are so very reticent to seek help.  Often, we ask too late. This is particularly true in the arenas of mental health, addiction, and finances.  Just remember, it takes strength to offer help, but tremendous courage to be the recipient. Be brave!  Part of becoming an adult, and growing up, is realizing when you need to bring in the troops. In my opinion, adolescence is marked by cleaning up the mess, and adulthood is about problem-solving to prevent it from happening. Try to seek out mentors through work, church, or other organizations with which you are involved.