I Swear: The Cycle of "Are You Telling The Truth?"

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."

                                                                    -Mark Twain

As a parent, and educator, there is nothing more frustrating than trying to determine if a child is telling the truth. The amount of time dedicated to fact finding leaves you exhausted and scratching your head.  Kids' most common responses include, "I don't remember", "I swear", "That's not what happened", and "Ummm", none of which get anyone closer to the truth.

Honesty is a tricky concept. We tell our kids always to tell the truth, except if someone is morbidly obese, has tattoos all over his face, cooks really gross food, or their breath stinks.  As an adult, we understand that truth is on a continuum, and there are always shades of gray. Kids, not so much! Here are some basic guidelines to consider when explaining the concept of honesty to our children.

My Behavior: Own It

• I should always tell the truth if I make a mistake
• I should always tell the truth if I make a poor choice
• I should always tell the truth if I am the instigator of a disagreement
• I should always tell the truth if I have hurt someone with my words or actions

Others' Behavior: Own It

• I should always tell the truth if someone is making unsafe choices
• I should always tell the truth if someone hurts others with words or actions
• I should always tell the truth if someone is threatening another person
• I should always tell the truth if someone shares a secret that he/she is being hurt, or someone else is being hurt

When The Truth Hurts: Just A Fib

• I should say thank you and pretend to like all gifts that are received
• I should say thank you when given any kind of special meal, even if it's gross
• I should say nothing, when I notice someone looks different or behaves strangely
• I should just agree, when my friend, sibling, or familiar adult is excited about something and I am not