Successful Kids: What Do They Have In Common?

"It's easier to build strong children then to repair broken men."

                                                                             -Frederick Douglas

 Traits of Childhood Success

The Fab 5

I have read countless articles and books on the traits of successful children. While research often provides an arsenal of data, there is something to  be said for the proverb, "The proof of the pudding is in the eating." After 12 years of working in public education, I have engaged with thousands of children, deriving my own opinion. 

1. Adaptability

"Life's like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get." Let's be honest, Forrest Gump was spot on with this heart felt observation back in 1994.  Whether a child is excluded from a game of 4 square, disappointed by a poor grade, loses a soccer game, or has to work with a non-preferred partner, adjusting is a mandatory experience of everyday life.  Those children who appear most successful are able to take these disappointments in stride by having a positive attitude and recognizing disappointment is only temporary. 

2. Flexible Thinking

If we all had brains with the elasticity of our 1980's pal Gumby, the world would be a very different place.  From a more existential standpoint, there would be less hatred and violence.  In the world of childhood, flexible thinking is illustrated through problem solving around relationships, learning new concepts, and perspective taking.  As you might imagine, there is a positive correlation between flexible thinking and adaptability.  Often, you cannot have one without the other.  

3. Empathy

Before parents and schools became hyper-focused on executive functioning, there was a global movement to create social/emotional curriculums in the schools. Empathy has been a cornerstone "value" since their inception. It is what helps children identify the emotions of others, initiate/maintain friendships, help those in need, and recognize the benefit of putting others before themselves. 

4. Cooperative Nature

Let's be honest, some kids seem born to argue about everything, while others are happy to help, even under less than desirable circumstances.  Perhaps more interesting, is that these vastly different little or big people often live in the same household.  Kids with cooperative attitudes are more frequently praised by adults, and find making/keeping friends easier. At their core, they don't typically enjoy conflict and prefer to keep the peace.


5. Internal Motivation

In a world of behavior charts and rewards, parents/educators often lose sight of drive, perseverance, grit, and persistence. We live in a culture whose foundation has become that of instant gratification. At school, we typically have classroom behavior systems,  rewards, contests, and a host of other incentives to encourage kids to work hard and behave.  Those who will find the most success across domains, are the ones who work hard and make good choices because it instills pride and accomplishment. Overcoming challenges, pushing yourself, failing, and bouncing back have inherent rewards that can provide more long lasting changes in self-efficacy than any external reward.