"Beauty is not in the face; beauty is light in the heart."
-Kahil Gibran
The other day, a young girl shared with me that her favorite Disney stars were skinny, pretty, and had perfect skin. I responded like most adults, saying it's TV, not real life. She went on to assure me that you can only airbrush pictures, so of course it had to be real. The exchange was baffling; however, in that moment I realized how the media has blurred the line between reality and entertainment. Its youngest victims have not even experienced a double digit birthday. Using the Internet to my advantage (a very rare opportunity), I pulled up pictures of her favorite stars without makeup. This young lady was dumbfounded, and perhaps crestfallen, to learn that perfection really is an illusion. Though pictures were proof, I think she struggled to understand that her favorite shows were selling nothing more than an image.
These conversations always engender a sense of melancholy, as I reflect on the amazing women who fight fervently to achieve gender equality. All their efforts negated by designer clothes, fame, and money. How do we as parents, teachers, and women help protect our girls from the jaws of media lunacy?
Tips for Raising Strong Girls
Media Education
Young girls believe what they see! If their time is spent watching Disney, Nickelodeon, and reading entertainment magazines, that will be the lens with which they view the world. So, should your daughters never watch television or go online? Perhaps, in a perfect world, but not this one. Limit your daughter's exposure, but also have some real conversations about what actually goes into the image being portrayed, and the downside of fame. It shouldn't be too difficult to pull up information and pictures of burnt out child stars.
Curiosity/Passion
Help you daughter develop an interest or passion in music, athletics, art, or theater. Fostering curiosity and passion fuels motivation, which helps to promote long term goals. It also creates a like minded peer group, who will come to serve as your daughter's moral compass.
Service Over Self
Encouraging your daughter to get involved in volunteer opportunities facilitates social responsibility, perspective taking, and self-awareness. These are critical components in developing empathy and emotional intelligence. The research is clear that emotional intelligence is linked to better communication skills, emotion management, and conflict resolution, which are imperative in today's world. What a great way to allow your daughter to learn necessary life skills, while also making a difference!
Strong Role Models
You go girl! Moms are their daughters first role models. Select your values carefully. Make sure your daughter knows exactly what kind of young girl and woman you want her to become. Have those tough conversations. In addition, promote your daughter's interests and passions by seeking out women who are already living her dream. Give them an opportunity to speak over hot chocolate so your daughter can learn about the effort and sacrifice every dream requires. This helps to foster a sense of reality, and build resilience.
Change Your Language
Because of the world we live in, young girls are constantly seeking reassurance that they are pretty, skinny, and stylish. Sadly, this has been a cycle perpetuated from the beginning of time. How we respond can help shape young girls' thoughts and perceptions. For example, "Do you think this dress looks good?" The desired response is, "Yes, I think you look really thin in that style, and if you pull your hair back, it will really accentuate your cheekbones." A better response, " I think the purple really highlights your contagious energy, and makes your eyes look deep and big, like when you get one of your crazy ideas. I can tell you've been working really hard at swimming because your standing up straight and look comfortable and confident." Focus on how clothes, hair, and makeup accentuate inner wealth, not outward beauty.
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