My Child Is The Best!!!! Well, Whatever That Means.......

"You get so afraid of failure and so afraid of losing and so afraid of not being the best that it's not a natural drive-It's born out of fear of failure.."

                            -Gabrielle Union

In 2016, it is no longer acceptable to be average. Essentially, children are sent the message that whatever endeavor they attempt, the end goal is to outperform the competition.  As parents, we may ask ourselves, "What's wrong with wanting our child to be the best?" The simple answer: Best is a relative term. Your child will be outperformed. Your child will never learn to take risks.  Using athletics as an example, the NCAA statistics indicate that 1.6% of football players are drafted into the NFL, 0.9% of female basketball players make it into the WNBA, and 1.4% of male soccer players participate in the MLS (ncaa.org). Based on these statistics, roughly 98% of  parents reading this post, whose child participates in athletics, will not reap the benefits of having a professional athlete in the family.  So, as parents, how do we redefine "best" in a way that is healthy, and realistic? Here are some suggestions:

Exposure Over Commitment
To produce a generation of well rounded individuals, children need to experience a wide range of activities. When asked to make long-term commitments to extracurricular activities in elementary school, we stifle their opportunity for growth.

Reality Check
It's easy to live vicariously through our child or children.  While exciting to watch your child find success in an area you once excelled, be sure there is a visceral desire and not simply a road to approval.

Passion
Success in any arena, athletics, academics, music, or art, is driven by passion. To be the "best" at anything requires you to love, and desire it, the most.  Passion can overcome lesser developed abilities and potential obstacles.

Grit
If you're not familiar with Angela Duckworth's research on grit, I recommend watching her Ted Talk. Along with passion, grit is the most compelling trait which yields success. Focusing on effort, opposed to outcome, will encourage a child to take risks, push through adversity, and develop a sense of pride.

Define "Best"
What does being "The Best" mean in your family? Coming in 1st place? Crushing the competition? Hard work? Creativity? Recognition? The challenge with defining "best" is that it is socially constructed, and contextually dependent.