Call 911: My Child Lost!

"The trouble with being a good sport is that you have to lose to prove it."

                                                                      -Crosby M. Pentz                                                  

     

Anyone who has spent time around 6-11 year olds, understands the emotional turmoil that ensues after losing. I am not talking about the death of a loved one, rather a game of four square, soccer, tag, checkers, capture the flag, dodge ball, and of course the made up game with no rules.  We are constantly telling our children to display good sportsmanship; however, somewhere along the way, they have interpreted this to mean only upon winning.  Losing results in animal like shrieks, tears, running away, and yelling.

I have had the privilege, and peril, of engaging children in all sorts of activities involving winning and losing. I have learned that front loading is the only hope for avoiding complete and utter chaos. Let me preface this with the reality of its effectiveness, which is modest at best, and influenced by things like hunger, sleep, peers, and temperament.  I share with you my "pre-game" expectations around how to behave in competitive situations!

"I Will" Pledge
-I  will use kind words
-I will compliment someone when he/she does a good job
-I will follow the rules, even if I don't like them
-I will have fun
-I will be asked to take a break if I cannot do the above

"I Will NOT" Pledge
-I will not accuse others of cheating
-I will not say "that's not fair"
-I will not make up or change the rules
-I will not argue with the adults in charge
-I will not ruin the experience for everyone else

While annoying, I review these expectations prior to engaging in any kind of activity in which one can lose. I then check for understanding, and explain that I will be happy to provide a reminder during, but then you will be asked to take a break. These breaks are usually about 5 minutes; however, after two opportunities to regroup, game over. 

Another suggestion is discuss the natural consequences of being a sore loser. This would include embarrassing yourself, not being included, upsetting a friend, and not having fun.  Unfortunately, there is a large developmental curve, and some kids can handle the disappointment much better than others.