"Speak when you are angry-and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret"
-Laurence J. Peter
1. I can't go to the birthday party!
2. There is too much work!
3. My friend didn't sit at my table!
4. I got a bad grade on my test!
5. No one will help me!
And the list goes on...
As an educator, and private practitioner, I have noticed a proliferation in the number of kids who are "angry". Regardless of what events transpired, the safe, go to emotion, is anger. As adults modeling emotional regulation, our repertoire is often limited to happy and angry. While anger is the easiest, and most communicative emotion, what about those in between?
The emotions that typically fuel anger include disappointment, frustration, worry, embarrassment, rejection, loneliness, and fear. Anger is a secondary reaction to these more complicated, less safe, emotions. We need to help our kids recognize, and articulate, what emotional triggers lead to expressing anger. Here are some ways to help your kiddo learn more about the complexity of their inner emotional world!
Literature & movies
Reading is a great opportunity to explore emotions through characters of similar ages, and familiar challenges. Choosing a novel as a family, or with a particular child, is a great bedtime activity. It provides a platform to ask questions about the character, but also your children.
Movies are an entertaining way to examine and explore different emotions. Specifically, most kid oriented movies have a protagonist up against some obstacle which evokes a continuum of emotions.
What a great opportunity to make connections to one's own life. Perhaps this will be the impetus to an unexpected, meaningful dialogue.
Process Your Anger
As humans, we get angry. Becoming a parent simply provides another venue in which to be provoked. Our kids disappoint, scare, frustrate, and overwhelm us multiple times a day. They see the outcome, which is anger. When something happens, while parenting, or just in daily life, talk to your kids about the emotions leading up to feeling angry. Openly discuss how you managed your anger, and alternatives which may have been more helpful.
Feeling of the Week
It would be wonderful if families ate dinner together every night, but that is not a reality for many. Placing a feeling card on the fridge, bathroom mirror, tablet, or television. Use opportunities, such as the drive to school/activities and bedtime, to discuss instances in which that particular emotion may have been experienced during the day or week.
Imaginative play
You don't have to be a professional therapist for imaginative play to elicit your children's inner thoughts and feelings. Dolls, superheroes, and stuffed animals provide a mechanism to create imaginary situations relevant to what is happening at school or home. Observing, or directly participating, provides a window into a child's emotional world.
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